


Goodness and Grace

by sixtysevenlmpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s09e11 First Born, First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 04:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/pseuds/sixtysevenlmpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for <a href="http://wordsinhaled.tumblr.com/">Nicole</a>'s prompt: "sastiel + first kiss in the bunker sometime after that hug? 'u'"</p>
<p>Cas has a lot of feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodness and Grace

After the spell to track Gadreel failed – as, Castiel guessed, Sam had been sure it would – Sam retired to his bedroom, citing a headache.

Cas knew better. He knew that Sam was hurting, and he understood why. That was new to him, and honestly, he was only just getting to grips with it. The whole idea of empathy had always seemed preposterous to him, something that was simply unachievable to him as an entity so far outside the realms of the human experience, but now it was as if Sam’s pain was also his, and the defeated, flat look in his eyes reflected in Cas’s own.

It made him want to fix things, but he found that an extremely confusing task. Usually Dean could solve whatever problem Sam had, but he was a large part of this one, and Sam had already made it clear that – what was it? – _we got this_.

He didn’t understand the emotions he felt towards Sam. He knew it should be easier, now that he’d been human and all, and it _was_ in a way – before, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have even noticed any out-of-the-ordinary feelings. Now, he definitely knew they were there. He found himself looking at Sam for prolonged periods of time, and his heart felt lighter when he saw him smile. There was also the fact that his reassuring words from earlier, during the grace-extracting, were actually genuine. That was certainly new.

But it didn’t mean he had any idea how to make Sam feel better, or how to express these feelings. Cas didn’t even know how to hug Sam back until he was explicitly instructed, so he was kind of at a loss when it came to anything beyond that.

He sat himself in a chair at the large dining table, hands clasped on the surface as he squinted into the distance, head slightly tilted, deep in thought. He sifted through all his assorted, jumbled memories that he had collected over his years of watching over and interacting with the human race, of emotions and actions and relationships which had before puzzled him, and which he now looked at in a new light.

About an hour later, he was knocking at Sam’s almost-closed door, soft and frank. There was a rustling of sorts, and then Sam’s slightly croaky voice calling out, “Yeah, Cas.”

Cas took that as a cue to come in, and found Sam sitting up from a sprawled position, his hair mussed and sticking up in little tufts as he looked at Cas with bleary eyes. Sam had obviously been taking a nap, and his ruffled look gave him a distinctly adorable quality, in Cas’s opinion.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Everything okay?” Sam asked, clearing his throat and scrubbing at one eye.

“Yes. Well, maybe.” Cas paused, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “Could you stand up? It would make the logistics of what I’m about to do a lot easier to navigate,” he explained with an earnest, deadpan look.

Sam frowned in confusion, mumbling, “What--?” even as he swung his legs off the bed and got to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head before looking expectantly at Cas.

Cas realised he was waiting for him to do something, so he said, “Oh, right,” hesitated for a second, and then stepped forward, went onto tiptoes and pressed his lips briefly and matter-of-factly to Sam’s, slightly off-centre. He took a step back, looking at Sam expressionlessly.

Sam was staring at him, his mouth still fixed in a slight pucker, as if he was fixed in stone. “Uh,” he managed. “What was that?”

“It was a kiss. Wasn’t it?” The only person he’d ever kissed before had been Meg, and that was entirely different. She was a demon, but not only that, he hadn’t felt so deeply for her. Maybe if he’d experienced human emotions before he met her… but anyway. He understood that, when there were certain… romantic emotions involved, physical gestures such as kisses were more meaningful, which was why he had kept his own demonstration very chaste. But maybe that was a mistake.

“Well, yeah, that’s what it was,” Sam said with a little, disbelieving laugh. “I meant— _why_?”

“I believe it’s the convention, when you have certain feelings towards another person.”

“What, feelings—Cas, I think you’re confused,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“No.” Cas’s voice was firm and quiet, and he lifted a hand to Sam’s face, much like Sam had to him after he’d hugged him, except Cas let his linger there, stroking a careful, reverent thumb over Sam’s cheek. “Well, I am a little confused, about a lot of things, Sam. But I’m not very confused about this.”

“Cas—“ Sam breathed, his eyes searching the angel’s face.

“I’m sure that I admire you a lot. Not only your physical image, but also your soul – the goodness inside of you. And I’m sure that when I stopped myself killing you with that needle, it wasn’t only because of basic human compassion. It was because I care for you a great deal, and causing harm to you was hurting me too.” He paused, worrying his lip between his teeth as he peered into Sam’s eyes. “I know your guilt and Dean’s betrayal is causing you pain, Sam. But I’m also very sure that I want to make it better somehow. I… have very strong feelings for you.”

Sam swallowed visibly, his eyes darting around nervously, as if searching for some kind of crack in Cas’s words. “You… you really better not be screwin’ with me, Cas,” he laughed weakly, a faint blush tinging his cheeks, and Cas slid his hand from Sam’s cheek into his hair, combing through it slowly and soothingly.

“I’m not, as you say, screwing with you,” Cas said with a small smile. “I’m being perfectly honest. I thought these, ah, emotions, were something you would like to be informed of,” he added, a little uncertainly.

“Yeah, no, they—they are. They really are, Cas.” Sam laughed and shook his head, slipping a tentative hand around Cas’s waist. “Just one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“You really need to learn how to kiss,” Sam murmured with a low, quiet chuckle, tilting Cas’s head up with two fingers under his chin and kissing him softly, slotting their lips together and sliding his tongue inside. Both of Cas’s hands became lost in Sam’s hair, holding on for all he was worth because he had never, ever felt anything like that.

“Oh,” Cas croaked when Sam finally pulled back.

Sam grinned. “I don’t taste like molecules too, do I?” he cracked, running his thumb over Cas’s bottom lip.

“Oh, no,” Cas said, completely earnest. “You, Sam Winchester, taste like goodness and grace.” Sam blushed a little harder, and Cas added, “And also banana.”

Sam laughed, shook his head and kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment/kudos if you liked! :-)


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